[G1 AU] Sparkpulse (part 2)

[nkfloofiepoof]

Title: Sparkpulse (co-written with okami_hu)
Arc: Sparklight
Rating: PG
Characters: Optimus Prime, Starscream
Summary: How might things have gone had it been Optimus who took Starscream under his wing before the war instead of Megatron?


Like every other time, Prime's presence at the graduation ceremony was necessary. The young mechs got their Academy badges with all the documentation on their achievements coded into it, there were speeches, and in the end, the big party. This year's graduates were especially good, both soldiers and scientists. Optimus couldn't help but feel proud - a little at least - their optics were shining, their handshakes were steady, full of confidence. Such mechs ensured Cybertron's prosperous future, the Golden Age they lived in.

There was a familiar face among the graduates: a young Seeker called Starscream. Prime remembered him well; he could easily recall the captivating sight as he sat in the bay window, mourning the loss of his best friend and partner. Prime guessed right back then; he had seen the Seeker's name before, on the list of the most promising science students. He was a strong flier and had a brilliant mind - though those good qualities combined with a quick temper. However, he had an undeniable potential, and Optimus wasn't surprised when Starscream was awarded with an extra Academy prize for his excellent work. It was twice as astonishing as he completed it all alone. Prime thought he understood why.

But the Seeker didn't seem to be too thrilled - he thanked for the award politely, but then, he simply vanished from sight. Now, at the party with a small cube in hand, Optimus was searching for him, hoping to spot the red-white wings among the other mechs. The mood was quite high; everybody was chatting, laughing, joking, and celebrating the end of the school year.

Starscream sat quietly off to the side, staring forlornly at the floor where an empty cube rested by his badge and award. He swirled the energon in his half-filled second cube and watched its shimmer in the light of the room. The other students avoided him for the most part, but that was nothing new to him - what hurt was the fact that he was celebrating graduation without his partner. This was the day they had looked forward to sharing for far too long, and now Starscream had to enjoy it alone. He made sure Skyfire's accomplishments were acknowledged and spoken of during the ceremony, but it did little to soothe him.

He couldn't completely avoid Prime's keen gaze though; Optimus finally spotted him and began to advance toward the quiet corner, making some conversation with others on the way there. Everybody was so happy, and Starscream seemed so sad. Not a wonder, really. If time had healed his wounds any bit, today surely tore them open.

Finally, Optimus stopped in front of the young seeker, and he raised a cube to him. "Congratulations, Starscream. You did wonderful work. I know that somebody is very proud of you right now."

The Seeker looked up slowly as if his head felt too heavy to try. It took him a klik to process exactly what had been said to him, but he eventually did and grumbled in response, "The only one who would be is dead - you can't be proud of anything if you're dead." With that, he threw back his head and finished the contents of his second cube, letting the buzz of the energon coax him into forgetting his troubles temporarily.

As it made its way through his systems, he set the now empty cube on the floor with the other and leaned over his lap, letting his folded arms rest on his knees. He quietly surveyed the room - everyone else seemed so excited and had someone else with whom to gush over their accomplishments. A select few were even graced with the presence of their creators. Starscream had always been a loner - he liked solitude and was of the mindset that if he could not count on himself, he could not count on anyone, but right now, he found himself wishing terribly that he had at least one other mech to share this day.

"You forget that I'm the bearer of the Matrix," Optimus said softly. He didn't feel offended - Starscream had all rights to feel miserable. "Our sparks return there, once we're terminated. In a way, every deceased transformer is a part of me. I'm sure that Skyfire is very proud of you. Proud of your strength, determination, your love for him. I know you miss him and it hurts to stand alone now... But don't doubt that you accomplished something really great." He gestured to the wide bench the Seeker occupied. "Mind if I sit for a while?"

Starscream's wings actually drooped as Optimus spoke, knowing his words were true even if they hurt. "I just wish they'd quit accusing me of killing him," he muttered quietly before he registered the other mech's question and looked back up at him. He scooted a little further down the bench to make sure Prime had plenty of room even with his wings taking up space. He had to give up the sulky position over his lap to do so, and sitting up made his head swim a little.

Prime's engine gave an angry rev. "They will stop that, I can guarantee as much. It's obvious what happened; foul speech should not bother you any further." It was sad how there were mechs so jealous or malicious, making fun of pain and hissing at each other from jealousy. "I'm sorry you had to put up with that. But don't let their glitching get in your way. You graduated as top of your class; you'll have a name for yourself soon, I'm sure of it." He laid a hand lightly on the red-white shoulders. "What do you intend to do now? Apply to a research center? I know your past achievements; they spoke about your great passion for exploring."

Starscream's gaze lowered to his lap. It was obvious what happened, alright - he let out a humorless laugh. "Yeah - actually, I killed him twice. Once when I signed us up for that expedition and again when I gave up finding him." He shook his head, knowing Skyfire would not see it that way. Rather than dwell on such morbid thoughts, he looked up at Optimus. "I was considering enrolling in the War Academy to become a soldier. I already filled out the applications."

The leader's blue optics widened. "A soldier...?" He asked, sort of dumbfounded. That sounded... wrong. Starscream had the quality to become one of the most famous explorers, and he wanted to go through the drill and patrol the cities...? Though... It made sense. Exploring was the reason the Seeker lost his friend.

"Have you thought about it well? I don't mean to offend, really, but you... don't seem to be cut to be a soldier. Also, it'd be sad if your talent went to waste." Prime was worried. Somehow, he came to like the young mech even though they barely talked; he watched over Starscream's progress and felt a strange urge to help him to achieve everything he could.

"Exploring can't fully utilize my flying capabilities, and it wastes a lot of energy as well," Starscream reasoned. "I'm better at flying and aerial maneuvers than I am anything else - I'd be better off in the military." He felt odd saying that - it was not often at all that he actually admitted he was good at anything, but his talent in flying was the one thing he was truly proud of.

"You don't seem to have much self-confidence," Prime noted quietly. "You shouldn't put yourself so low. Don't listen to those who speak badly of you - those without talent seldom finish as first of the class. However, if that is what you want to do, go through the training... You know what's best for you. Our species has a long lifespan. If you decide you don't want to put up with the service anymore, you can still become a scientist."

Starscream just nodded quietly, his head feeling heavier as the kliks went by. "I figured that...an' I like flying - can do that alone...need a new partner for explorin'," he muttered in response, his words growing less clear with each sentence. He processed energon slowly, especially high quality energon, but once it was processed, it hit him like an asteroid, which was rather pathetic, since he had only had two.

"I'm almost sorry I can't fly," Optimus mused. He was sipping his own cube slowly - he wasn't much of a drinker, though his system handled it quite well. But he preferred quality over quantity. He noticed that the Seeker was getting a bit disoriented, and he sort of hoped it would do him some good... Maybe he'll be free from the tension for a while.

"I'll be teaching at the Academy for a while, so maybe we'll meet there."

Starscream's optics flickered in an attempt to focus his surroundings again, tension in his shoulders and wings finally leaving as the energon was fully processed. He visibly perked up at Optimus' statement, even his wings hiking back up, though their movement sent him off balance a little, and he ended up leaning slightly against Prime's arm. "Really? Think I'd like that..."

Optimus smiled to himself. Some mechs became violent when overenergized, some became angsty, brooding over the problems of the universe. Some were cheery, and some were just... peaceful. A bit surprisingly, Starscream seemed to belong to the last category. Prime shifted a bit, to be able to catch the Seeker if he - perchance - fainted or fell, and lightly cleared his vocalizer. "I don't exactly know why, but somehow I took great interest in you. I'd like to know you better, if it's reasonable, and I promise that I'll help you to be a good soldier since that is your wish."

The Seeker seemed to melt a little at those words, leaning against Optimus more so he could rest his head against the other mech's shoulder. "I'm glad," he admitted. "Yer nice to me even though I'm a glitch...nobody likes me." The energon seemed to not only have a calming effect, but it also tore away his inhibitions, especially as it spread through his systems - he would never be so open if he was not overcharged.

"I'm sure that is not true," Optimus claimed with much belief. "I have talked to many, and there were mechs who thought quite highly of you. Your mind is unquestionably sharp; you have an interesting, unique and effective view on things. Maybe your manners put others off... You shouldn't consider everybody an enemy. If you could be a little more open, a little more friendly... I'm sure you could have friends."

Starscream's wings drooped again. "S'what Skyfire used to say..." His vocal processor hitched a little in mid-sentence in a sort of a hiccup, and the more he talked, the more heavily he leaned against Optimus. "Doubt it though - nobody in any of my classes liked me. Kept tryin' to get Skyfire to dump me."

The leader glanced around. Nobody had noticed them this far - they were too occupied with feeling good and getting overenergized - but public image had to be maintained. At least to a degree. He maneuvered the Seeker a bit more upright, and carefully wrapped an arm around the sadly hanging wings.

"I'm sorry I involuntarily reminded you on your friend," he said honestly. "But... sooner or later, you'll have to let go of him, and look into the future. He wouldn't want it any other way. Skyfire was loved and respected, and he obviously loved you much - I doubt he'd like you to live in his shadow."

The Seeker looked disappointed that his cushion had been taken away, but then his optics flickered as he very slowly processed what Prime was saying. "I always lived in his shadow...he was huge!" Starscream started giggling at the comparison and leaned forward a little as he tried to double over, nearly hitting Optimus with one of his wings.

Prime chuckled a bit and skillfully pulled away from the careless wings and gently pushed the Seeker back against the wall before he lost his balance and fell flat on his face. "How many cubes have you had, Starscream...?"

It took the Seeker entirely too long to think about that, and even as he did, he looked down at his hands and absently counted his now blurry fingers for a klik or two before finally forcing his head back up to look at Prime with another hiccup. "Two."

Oooh, somebody couldn't hold his energon. Well, it happened. "Why did you drink so much when you know that it'll knock you out?" he scolded the Seeker gently. "It only gives a temporary solace, and the pain it gives you doesn't worth it."

"Seemed like a good idea at th' time..." Starscream tried to lean against Optimus again, feeling steadier against him than he did the wall. He started giggling again. "S'what Skyfire said once...said that'll be what my marker'll say when I die - 'seemed like a good idea at the time'."

"At least, you can think of him and smile now..." Prime sighed and gave up, pulling the young mech against him loosely. If anybody happened to say anything, he'd get their grades down below zero. "You won't die for a while if I can help it."

He couldn't understand where this feeling came from. There were young and talented mechs all over Cybertron, why did he pick this one...? Why did he feel the urge to watch him, guide him, help him...? There was something in the slender Seeker, which drew Optimus. Also... somewhere, in the deepest parts of his spark, there was a growing anxiety - he had to watch the Seeker or something terrible would happen.

Starscream looked very happy when the other mech pulled him closer, and he took that opportunity to lean against him again though with his awkward wings proving to be an obstacle, he ended up resting less against Prime's arm and more against the side of his chest. There, the Seeker found himself fascinated with Optimus' windshield and raised a clumsy hand to poke at his own reflection.

That was... embarrassing. Prime could feel his faceplates heating up, and his ventilation hum louder a bit. He got always uneasy when his body reacted so... noisily about something, even if he just strained his processors over a difficult problem, and the cooling fans whirred to life. But he couldn't be angry with the other. Stopping the wandering hand gently, he leaned a little bit closer. "You're cute when you're overenergized. Others should see you like this..."

Starscream looked back up at Prime, and his dark face lit up in a beaming smile. "You think I'm cute?" he squeaked, wriggling a little in his spot next to him in excitement. Either he had never received such a compliment before, or he was sufficiently intoxicated enough to be labeled "cratered" - or both.

"Hush!" Prime jumped a little and placed his fingertips over the other's vocalizer. "You're so royally sloshed, Starscream. You should go back to your quarters and get some recharge."

He peered curiously at Optimus' fingers as he was silenced and tried to get his mouth around one simply because it was there. As he did, he pouted and protested, "But I'm not tired!"

"No, but you're not behaving properly," Optimus tried to reason, faceplates heating up more, vents humming louder... which only made his core temperature rise even higher. He quickly took his fingers away. "Please, Starscream. You've had enough energon and glory for today. I'll escort you back, alright?"

The Seeker sulked but relented for the moment. "Oh, alright." He awkwardly pushed himself off of Optimus so he could try to stand up, not succeeding well at all. His feet were even less cooperative than his numb hands.

Quickly snatching the award and the Academy badge from the floor, Optimus was just in time to wrap an arm around the smaller frame to save the Seeker from falling. "Just get out of the room, then I'll carry you," he assured his young companion - he couldn't entirely let go of the concept of being 'proper' about this. Sure, nobody would accuse him with anything, but Prime didn't like gossip.

Starscream stumbled forward a step, just barely saving himself from falling on his face, and he pointed down at his feet and admonished them drunkenly before trying again, staggering out of the room. Many of the other students snickered after him, a few commenting about how he could never hold his high-grade, but the Seeker was thankfully too intoxicated to even hear them, much less respond.

Optimus, on the other hand, did. His blue optics, blazing colder than the void of outer space, flashed at the giggling graduates, and their merriment was cut off immediately. Prime's anger was horrible, and he was respected and loved by all - nobody wanted to oppose him.

Once outside, the big double door swinging shut behind them, Prime placed the trinkets into Starscream's hand, and promptly took him into his strong arms. "Now, show me the way."

Starscream just stared at him for a klik as he was picked up, his central processor struggling to keep up with what was happening. Optimus Prime was holding him - he was not imagining that, nor was he imagining how nice it felt. He had not been held in such strong arms since before Skyfire died. Prime warned him before they left the room that he was going to carry the Seeker, but it was only now that Starscream realized he was serious.

He finally found the processing power to speak and stared blurrily down the corridor both before and behind them before reluctantly admitting he had no idea where they were or where his quarters were, too inebriated to recall. "That way, I think," he hazarded a guess, pointing with the tip of one foot.

Optimus let out an amused sigh. "I hope you'll remember once we're at the student quarter block. I spent some time there myself... I think I can find my way back."

It was kind of nice to hold somebody like that. Elita, while they were together, liked to be handled like a delicate femme at times because Prime never questioned her strength. Once, after too much energon, Optimus even carried Megatron back to their room - the only difference was that his brother was singing rather suggestive Cybertronian folk songs all the while. But it had been so long since he could hold somebody so close... Being Prime was sort of a lonely job. Of course, he was constantly surrounded by mechs of all shape, size and profession, but Megatron was busy with being the Lord High Protector and Elita with being the Security Chief of Iacon. Starscream's slender frame radiated a slight heat - not an unusual thing after too much energon - and he just... fit into his arms. Even with the wings. And now, that he was not scowling and brooding, it became apparent, what a noble, almost delicate face he had.

Starscream curled up a little in the larger mech's arms as he was carried. He immensely enjoyed being held even if he would never admit it out loud - at least, not when he was sober. "You feel nice," he declared, rubbing his dark face against Prime's windshield.

The leader cringed. "T-thank you, but... stop that, please." The affectionate nuzzle felt nice and had a lovely effect on his system, but Optimus deemed it rather inappropriate at the moment.

Starscream gave him a hurt and dejected look but stopped as he was told, lowering his gaze down to his badge which he turned in his hand to watch how the light of the corridors played on its shiny surface.

Optimus sighed again. "Now, don't be so offended. I just don't want to accidentally drop you."

"I'm not movin' that much," Starscream insisted and tried to rub his face against the glass in the other mech's chest again to prove that. He was momentarily distracted when they reached the student barracks, perking up just a little when he remembered where he was. "My quarters're that way." He pointed with his foot again.

Following the directions, Prime soon found his way and the right door. He opened it - at least, that secret security code came in handy once - and entered, letting the door slide closed behind them with a quiet hiss. He located the recharge berth and gently laid the Seeker down. "Now, Starscream, it's time to rest. Tomorrow, you'll feel like slag anyway..." He fondly caressed the dark head.

"But I'm not tired!" the Seeker insisted, sulking. He squirmed on his berth as if to emphasize that and turned his head to rub his face against Optimus' hand. Primus, how he missed being touched like that, and Prime's hands were not too much smaller than Skyfire's.

Bright blue optics widened a bit, and Optimus nearly pulled his hand away... but just nearly. Obviously, Starscream was missing contact, and there was no point in denying it from him until it was something less innocent.

"No, I assume you don't feel tired," he murmured, petting the other's helm, "but still, you should get some rest. You're cratered." However, the younger mech was so cute like that, like a Sparkling pining for affection, that Prime's attention loosened a bit, and his fingers wandered to the side of the dark head.

"Am not," Starscream sulked. He dimmed his optics a little and stayed still save for moving his head a little every few astroseconds, obviously enjoying the petting very much. He had missed it terribly during the time he was grieving for his friend. He and Skyfire were little more than best friends, but Starscream had always been very touch-oriented, and Skyfire knew that and did not mind petting him like this. Even though he was intoxicated, Starscream knew it was the bearer of the Matrix, who was touching him and not Skyfire, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.

So... soft, so serene. Optimus traced his fingertips over the edges of the head vents, the forehead ridge... the side of the smooth face. His other hand absent-mindedly began to play with the wings, mapping out the paintjob, fingering the moving parts. Wings, for him were fascinating; neither he nor his friends were built to assume the shape of aircrafts. Some were able to glide, but they were still earthbound. Soaring in the sky or in space was something he could never experience.

Starscream continued to nuzzle his face against Prime's hand, staying quiet and still - until his wings were touched. His wings were nowhere near as sensitive as most Seekers', but another's touch still felt very nice. A shiver in response to the touch went up his wing and through his body, and he tried to turn a little, as far as his other wing and the berth would allow, to push his wing into Optimus' hand.

That reaction finally wrenched Prime back into reality. He gasped lightly and stepped back.

What the Pit am I doing? He scolded himself, almost in panic. How could I zone out so? I nearly went too far...! But soon, he steeled himself and shook his head a bit. "Recharge, Starscream. You need it."

A thin whimper crawled free of Starscream's vocalizer when Prime's hands left him, and he tried to sit up to find that touch again, his expression pleading. He had no idea what he did or said to cause Prime to jerk away from him, but he regretted it. He missed being touched so much.

The panicked expression went straight to the leader's spark, and he leaned above the Seeker, gently pushing him back. "Starscream, what is the matter? Hush, it's alright, I'm here. Be a good mech and switch off." He dared to rest a hand on the red-white shoulder... but nothing more. This was not done! Not even with a sober partner... let alone an overenergized one who probably saw his deceased friend - lover...? - instead of his actual partner.

Starscream reluctantly let him coax him back down though he continued to worry about what he did to cause him to jerk back to begin with. He did not want to upset him any further though and slowly dimmed his optics, raising a hand to touch Prime's as he did so.

The poor thing probably felt very lost and lonely. Optimus gently squeezed Starscream's shoulder, his blue optics radiating warmth. "Hush, it's alright. I'll stay here until you go offline, okay? I'll guard you."

Starscream hesitated before nodding quietly, conceding defeat - he was having trouble keeping his optics online anyway. He sat up again just long enough to adjust his wings so they stuck straight out behind his back and enabled him to lay down on his side where he was more comfortable.

Optimus watched until the slender Seeker was finally steadily resting on his berth, then walked to the side and simply settled down on the floor with his knees pulled up, his elbows resting on them. "May your rest be void of visions," he said quietly.

The Seeker's optics stayed focused on Prime until he finally could not keep them online anymore, dimming them as he finally went offline to sleep off his stupor.

After it was obvious that the young mech was recharging, Prime cautiously, quietly left the room and headed toward his own residence. He should have gone back to the party, probably, but for once, he couldn't give a damn. He needed peace, solitude, and preferably, the biggest cube of max-grade he could find.

He thanked Primus that Starscream just obeyed and didn't do anything... tempting. Optimus knew that he would have engaged into interfacing with him, and that made him feel guilty, confused, and very lost. What happened to his control...? He never swayed like that before. Had it been so long that he last had some... close contact with somebody? Come on.

But facts were facts: the young Seeker was a handsome mech, and his whole attitude, which screamed for attention, was kind of appealing to the leader. He merely wanted to help.

By the time he reached his quarters and sat down with that cube, Optimus already managed to convince himself that that was the exact case, and inwardly, he promised Starscream that he would do anything to help.